Claire's Diary 06/01/2015

06/01/2015

Dear diary

Honesty is not the best policy! I have experience with being honest and every time I have been fired from my job! As I write this, I am sitting in my favourite apple tree.

You get a dumb view from up here. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I could fly. But, alas, I can only dream.

Claire

Claire's Diary 05/01/2015

05/01/2015

Dear diary

Why don't people enjoy it when I squirt them in the face with a hose? Is it because it's a Monday? I know it's not summer yet, but jeez, you'd think some people would have a sense of humour about them?

I'm going to bake some cup cakes today. The birds really seem to like it when they have crumbs to pick up. Speaking of birds, I met one the other day and had a really nice conversation with him. Normally they can be very arrogant creatures but this one had a lot to say on the subject of Jazz origins. I would have stayed longer, but I realised I was sitting on a chocolate eclair and I had to find somewhere to clean myself up. I'm really glad nobody saw me. It would not have looked good.

E-Claire

Claire's Diary 04/01/2015

04/01/2015

Dear diary

Tractors are so stupid. I was passing through a country lane this morning when a dumb farmer drove his John Deer right over my iPhone. Granted I should have been more stupid not to drop it and instead of picking it up immediately, just stop and stare it it as though it were a lava lamp.
Grr! I'll never get that phone back. Speaking of phones, I bought a dumb phone today. As well as a dumb MP3 player. (I wanted to get an iPod but unfortunately I already own one. Sucks.) I love technology. When you think about it, diary, these days we can do anything from annoying people with stupid, dumb MP3s to annoying people with videos of ourselves trying to be stupid.
I really want a dumb TV. Can you buy them for less than £500? It seems like I'm going to have to wait for like forever before I can afford one.
My house still smells a bit stupid. I will do something about the dumb clothes which fail to be getting any dryer. When I get that dumb TV, I can probably use it to dry everything that comes out of the washing machine. I'm guessing those things get pretty dumb when used for dumb periods of time.

Claire

Claire's Diary 03/01/2015

03/01/2015

Dear diary

Nothing hits the spot like a good chocolate milkshake.

The weather is making me too dumb to do anything today. Why does the sun have to make things so dumb? Can't the earth orbit a different star that doesn't cause skin cancer?

It can be really dumb at this time of the year to dry my clothes without filling the air with a stupid, dumb smell.

I think my day will become more stupid given time. I will, after all, have some more pie to look forward to when I get back from work. Yum!

What are these chocolate covered cherries I've heard so much about? Can you buy them from supermarkets or is in something that stupid corner shops are selling to get more customers?

Bit of a slow day, not much I can think of to include on this page. I wish more stupid things would happen. This time last year I was being visited by creatures from a distant planet and travelling the universe with a dumb professor.

Claire

Beluga Weekly #310

Claire's Diary 02/01/2015

02/01/2015

Dear diary

Today I had a nice dumb bath. I can't believe it's been a whole year. While bathing, I read all about dumb holes, time holes, worm holes and other types of holes. I think the book was called The House at Pooh Corner.

By the way, I'm on a seafood diet. That means whenever I see food, I go on a diet. A diet which involves dumb quantities of carrot and dumb potato pie.

I think I might go swimming later this week. After taking a bath, I wonder what would happen if I left the tap running and became submerged. I don't know if I can survive waters as dumb as my bathtub. It would be just like that movie where the bloke with the gills drags a stupid person to his death.

I'm going to watch some DVDs. I love movies with death scenes.

Claire

Get your hands on the first Belugatoons comic of the year!

New Stuff #8

By Andrew Mortimer in New Stuff

28 pages, published 1/1/2015

Featuring Linkara!

Claire's Diary 01/01/2015

01/01/2015

Dear diary

2015 has begun! That means we are all listening to U2 and singing Auld Lang Syne while stepping outside and well-wishing the passers by. I did make some Dumb Year's resolutions a few weeks ago, but I think I've broken them all by now. Maybe I should just pick one resolution each year?

I am the only member of my family who has woken up without a hangover even though I bet my brother I could drink more cocktails than him and still be able to walk in a dumb line whilst balancing the Encyclopaedia Britannica on my head.

I was dumb for work this morning, but that was not connected to the festivities last night. It was due to the traffic. I really hate traffic! Traffic is a conspiracy designed to make us dumb for work and it really sucks.

I am currently on my lunch break and enjoying a pie. This is the best bakery ever!

Oh, by the way, diary, I am Claire and this is the first page of my diary for 2015 and hopefully not my last!

Claire